Sunday, July 6, 2008

Settled With An Urge To Dive

Just when I'm finally starting to own this reinvented life I've recently made, the ocean beckons, prodding me to take a dive. I've been enjoying my sweet time walking on the shore, finding seashells, despite the occasional stormy weather. I don't know if I could muster the strength and gain the wisdom to rough it up in the deep waters again.

I need to make a decision about it soon, a stand upon which other aspects of my life hinge. I know too well that everything is connected to everything else. Hard as I try to compartmentalize, my very essence affects the whole universe I am in.

Yet, how do I decide?

Should I look for signs everywhere and let them speak to me? If this is the way to go, then the signs I see are egging me on to take the plunge.

Should I ask myself what do I want? Is this even a fair question, knowing that I have responsibilities to others? What do I owe my family? society? myself? I know I cannot please everybody, but if there was one that should be at the top of my hierarchy of values, who should it be? Going back to the question, what do I want? Balance in life, which I am already slowly learning to achieve. And then this, the possibility again of losing what I've worked hard for.

Should I listen to what well-meaning people may have to say? Or do I just trust my own voice?

What about things I cannot plan, cannot predict? Do I leave it all up to chance, to fate, to faith? And then hope that there is a divine something, someone looking after me and taking care of me.

I don't know.
How will I know?

And when I finally make that decision, will it lead me to my happiness?

I don't know.

I'm feeling: an inner tug of war.
I'm listening to: KT Tunstall's Someday Soon.


This Brazen Teacher said...

You know what I thought of when I read your post? I thought of this book I read called Conversations with God (good read if you like books btw.) There's this line...

"All of life is interconnected. This is something your physicists have proven- it is not esoteric any longer. Therefore, betrayal of yourself is betrayal of another, and being true to yourself, is being true to another. The only question left then is- what is your highest truth?"

Of course I hesitate in sounding as if I'm setting up pretenses in order to sound "important" or "knowledgeable" but I thought I'd share it. Keep us updated on what the bottom of ocean looks like when you get there ;-)

Anonymous said...

hey girl - I know what you mean... I have moments like those, too - and I just keep my mind and my heart open to any messages from Him.


P.S. I'm closing the Dance of Motherhood - hope can stop by the new place soon! I've added you to my blogroll :)

Anonymous said...

"The greatest risk in life is risking nothing."

Sometimes, I also find myself in similar situations. In the end, I always ask myself what decision will make me regret the least, and decide from there. I love your writing, Giselle. :)

brainchild said...

Hi Giselle,

I was wondering why you have no new posts. I hope you get back to blogging soon.

I tagged you in the name game. Please check my post

Tata said...

yes,,,,make a come back to blogging! Hoopla!

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